What do you do when you reach your 2021 goals…and it’s only August?
A Career & Performance Coach who doesn’t have goals of her own. It feels embarrassing to reveal that this is my current tagline. Btw, I truly am looking forward to writing posts that are more positive in nature and can talk about the highs of my recent life change…but you are all just going to have to bare with me for a while longer while I figure this shit out.
Move to California.
Quit my Corporate job.
Launch my own Coaching Business.
Complete my Coaching Certification and reach 100 paid coaching hours.
Hit 10,000 followers on Instagram.
Read 40 books.
Lose 10 pounds (okay I admit that I’ve put a few back on since I reached this goal due to the transition…but I’ll recover!)
These were the 2021 goals that were to be the building blocks of what was to come next. The good problem (I suppose) is that these were supposed to take me the full year to accomplish (honestly I gave room for some of these to bleed into the first quarter of 2022), but here I am now in August with a completed to do list and I can’t answer the question. “what now?”
The time has come to start thinking even bigger and that part feels damn scary. To be honest, the scary part isn’t necessarily thinking big (what would you do if you had “fuck you money” or could not fail?), but it’s about not stopping myself before I start because I currently can’t comprehend how I will balance it all. How can I maintain a successful coaching practice while not taking away from the time, energy and dedication that is required to execute on the Shared Entertainment 3 year strategy? Shan’s brand? Moreover, how will I do the above while still being present for my kids while they navigate a new school, a new culture, a new life?
Over the last two weeks, I became more and more anxious with every new coaching consultation that was booked. Shan asked if I wanted to schedule a photoshoot for myself and I said no! I even hit a point last week where I wanted to stop writing blogs, doing podcasts or creating content because I was ready to shut off all avenues of attention that would be directed toward me. I didn’t want to take new pictures, drive people to my website, or my profile. In essence, the more I dimmed my own light, the more light I could shine on others. Sound familiar?
Ugh! How easy is it to fall into that place? That place where you can justify putting yourself last because it’s selfish to do anything else. And when we are in this place, we convince ourselves that we are heroes. We drape ourselves in a beautiful cloak of selflessness and wait for the applause that is sure to come from the people around you who obviously notice and appreciate just how much you self-sacrifice. But the applause doesn’t come. That beautiful cloak of selflessness may as well be a cloak of invisibility because you begin to fade into the background and not be seen. You then grow resentful of those exact people you are trying to please when they dismiss your very infrequent attempts to step out of the shadows because hey, that’s not how things work around here. I literally had a breakdown this weekend when I “bravely” said I want Italian for dinner when everyone else wanted Mexican and my daughter told me she would just pout through the meal if I got my way. She quickly back-pedaled but let’s face it, the damage had been done.
You then realize that your selflessness was never heroic, but cowardly. Too afraid to put yourself in the front for fear that you might fail and people will see it. Afraid of the rejection that may come with asking for help and for others to rally around you. Why would anyone take time away from their goals and dreams in order to help you facilitate yours? What makes your goals more important than theirs? Especially when they seem so sure of their path, and you are still just figuring it out.
As I write this, I still have not answered the questions of what’s next and how will I balance it all. But what I do know is that as I develop the next phase of my goals, I will be on watch for personal light dimming. I also know that I won’t do that alone so that I too can be held accountable (it’s time to bring my own Coach back into play). I also know that the next phase….will be brilliant!
To hear more about this place that I am currently in, you can check out my guest appearance on the “Who Can Relate?” podcast with Justin Davis.